Lord, I Believe. Help My Unbelief!

She buried her face in her hands and wept. She swallowed hard, as if she could keep her grief from escaping. She spoke. The sentence was broken as she struggled to say each word, "I...don't ...understand."
 
He sat in stillness. A single tear rested on his jawline. He stared at nothing as if it were something. Then came the long, heavy-shouldered sigh. Maybe if I look long enough, I will understand.


Have you been there? Maybe you're there now. Each step you take to try to understand your painful situation or the condition of someone you love only leads your further away. Understanding isn't even a blip on the radar.


You feel the longing to understand and the greater longing to believe God when He says "Trust Me."


We look to our spiritual leaders, those folks we think walk on mountaintops every day and we wonder how their faith grew to be so strong. Do they ever question? Do they ever want to understand?


I think of the father who brought his son to Jesus (Mark 9). His son was troubled by a spirit that made him unable to speak. It would often throw the boy into fire or water. I can't begin to relate to this fathers anguish. To his sleepless nights and worry filled days.


He had done what he knew to do. He brought the boy to the disciples and the disciples were unable to heal him. The father told Jesus his son had been this way since early childhood. I can hear his voice. The guttural groan of saying it out loud. The deep ache of hearing his own words give testimony to how long his son had suffered. And how long, as the dad who could not fix it,  he had anguished. And he did not understand.


Neither did he understand who Jesus was. When he spoke, he said "Jesus, if you CAN." Jesus responded by saying everything is possible to the one who believes.


I can see it unfold as the father instantly cries out, "I Believe!" but immediately realizes his faith is weak. It had been weakened by every healer or doctor or priest who may have been confident in helping the boy and yet they failed and walked away. I see him drop his head and quietly murmur "Help my unbelief."


Jesus commanded the spirit to leave the boy. And it left. The scripture doesn't tell us any more about the father. I imagine he fell to the earth in a crumpled heap of gratitude and relief.


You know, he still did not understand.


I'm a lot like that father. I want to understand the whys and why nots, the how's and whens. But just like that father, it's not for me to understand.


God never said understand Me. He said love Me, obey Me, serve Me, listen to Me, TRUST ME.


Whatever your burden may be today, whether it is a new weight or you have been troubled for years, maybe you needed to hear you don't have to understand.


Be encouraged by God's promises to never leave you. His promises to work in your life and the lives of those you love even when you don't see it. He is faithful. When your faith feels weakened by the disappointments around you, well, that's the perfect time to resolve to trust Him.


You know those people you think walk on mountaintops? They, too, have their moments of "Lord I believe! Help my unbelief."


God is faithful.