I Just Feel Like No One Loves Me

It happened around this time many years ago. It was one of those "mom moments" I will never forget.

We have 4 kids and, except for the year my sweet mother-in-law made them costumes to wear to the church party, the kids have suffered as I always greatly lacked in the creative costume department. (And yes, occasionally I still beat myself up for the ways I should have done better)

This particular year all but one child was ready to go to the "Hallelujah Party" (our church equivalent of a fall fest). We piled in the big green van and stopped at a CVS to find a costume. It was October 31st...you can imagine the selection. We grabbed the most appropriate one and climbed back in the van. The child got right to work getting dressed.

And then I heard it.

A rip.

The painful sound of fabric tearing.

What came next was heartbreaking.

My child's small voice from the back of the van, "I just feel like no one loves me."

Epic fail.

I was a terrible birthday party mom. I was severely stunted in the holiday department. I needed assistance with  assisting them in the science fair madness each year...but my love?

I loved my kids with a fierce love. As they have grown into adulthood, my love has grown too. It has gone from fierce to fiercer to fiercerer.

As I have driven all over East Tennessee this week, I have been in awe of God's creative power. The vibrant colors are truly breath taking. As it rains leaves each time the wind blows I am taken back to my own childhood when I would stay outside in God's playground until my mom called me in.

When I was little, I knew there was a God who loved me very much. I'd look at the tall birch trees and the beautiful pines and I saw The Creator. I'd watch the squirrels as they scurried about getting ready for the Minnesota winter that loomed around the corner, and I felt the presence of The One who loved me enough to make the amazing world in which I was growing up.

My child was greatly saddened by circumstances. In my child's young heart and mind disappointment translated into a lack of love because if the love was there, this would not have happened.

I gave my heart to Jesus as a teenager. Through the valleys of growing in my faith, I admit to you I have wondered where God's love for me had gone. There were seasons in life when I had no doubt that He loved me enough to provide a way to have a forever relationship with Him, but  at the same time I wondered where He went when I was hurting.

In the middle of the trials of life, had He gone to sleep? Was He busy taking care of someone else? Did He stop loving me?


My child is not alone in feeling unloved in a moment of despair. Nevertheless, my love for my children is not impacted by how they feel or what they are experiencing at any given moment. 

There were bullies at school.

Sickness came and went.

There were times of discipline.

Friends would betray.

A heart would break.

And my love never wavered.

I have learned that in life:

People I love get sick.

Money gets tight.

Friends betray me.

And, yes, there are times I am disciplined.

God's love never wavers.

Isn't it great to know that God's love doesn't change according to how I feel? 

A favorite passage in Ephesians 3 describes God's love: "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

God's love for you is deep. Today might be a day filled with disappointment or the unknown, but it doesn't change His vast love for you.

Hey, by the way, I am a grandma now and my love is fiercest and fiercerest.



 

Truth Matters: The Banghazi Hearings

To be totally honest…

To tell you the truth…

The truth as I see it…

I’m watching the Benghazi Hearings as they question Hillary C. My personal politics aside, I am passionate about my country, the United States’ men and women in the military, and the lies that flowed out of the mouths of officials in the days and weeks (and even now) following that horrible night.

I realize that most of our kids are in school as I write this and even if they were home they would likely not be watching this exchange. As our elected leaders dance around the truth, I wonder…have so many lies been told that no one even knows the truth? Have so many lies been told that the liar believes his/her own lies? Or are we all to the place where we have accepted lies as the norm and relative truth rules the day?

Several years ago I had the privilege of meeting with a group of teenage girls once a week. I asked them if it was possible to go an entire day without lying. They all said no. They did not believe me when I said not only is it possible to go a full day, it is possible to be a truthful person for weeks and months.

Truth is important to God. He, in fact, is Truth. As a believer in the Lord Jesus I know personally that the truth truly does set me free. Truth is of such importance to God that it made the list of the perfect ten for living. Read the list of the 7 things God hates, you will find a lying tongue.

Understand that when truth is attacked on any level God is under attack. Relative truth is a scheme of the devil. He started it in the garden when he asked, “Did God REALLY say...” and he said, “Did God REALLY mean…” Lies place doubts in the mind and heart. Doubts and faith do not belong in the same space.

Teach your children:

It is not okay to tell half of the story.

It is not okay to change just one little word so you feel better about what you’re saying.

Tell the truth.

No matter who you are truth should be central in your character.

Do not fear the truth.

If you don’t know the truth, don’t make up an answer.

Tell the truth.

Truth is for our good.

As you teach your kids, be sure you are living it. Show them truth.  Be certain your kids see you making decisions, speaking, parenting, working, loving all based on truth.

Protect your kids from a lifestyle of lies. I know there is a lot you cannot control, but it is your responsibility to step up and protect your kids from adopting the lifestyle the world offers. Ask yourself:

What movies/programs am I allowing my kids to watch?

What video games am I allowing my kids to play?

When I know my child just lied to me, no matter how small the matter might be, do I pass over the lie because I do not have the energy to deal with it? Or do I take the opportunity to teach just how important truth is?

Am I open with my kids about how difficult is it at times to be honest, but in spite of the struggle, the truth should always be told?

Have I taken the time to teach my kids that once a lie is told and trust is broken it takes time to rebuild that trust?

I want the parents of my TOBC kids to know, that if and when your child lies to me, I will not walk away or pat him/her on the head. There are times I see an action or hear unkind words and I question the guilty only to be lied to. I understand, no one wants to be in trouble. But I will not let the opportunity to teach, in love, that the truth is important to God.

Confession—I made many mistakes as my kids were growing up. My kids are all real people; they came from parents who are real people. Aren’t you glad, that we are all in the same boat but the word of God is in the boat with us?

I realize I have barely scratched the surface of the value of truth. Please search your Bible for yourself. Invite your kids to search with you. Discover truth together.

The horrible attacks were 3 years ago and, because people do not want to just tell the truth, we are still trying to figure it all out. My heart aches for the families. My heart aches for America.

Truth Matters.

When I Walk Through The Door--What Teens & Kids Wish You Knew

When I walk Through the Door…

I am glad you are at church when I get there. I’m glad I can count on you to be there.

When I come to church

              Please don’t assume my insides are as together as my outsides appear. It is easy to put on the Sunday face…

                        You might think you know my family- but you don’t. It’s possible that my dad is addicted to pain pills or my mom would rather work than be with me. It’s possible that my parents fight all the time and have separate bedrooms.

       Don’t over-concern yourself with how straight I sit or how closely you think I am paying attention. I may be slumped in my chair with my head down, but I am hearing every word.

                                              Keep yourself mindful that perhaps I have a parent who is chronically ill….

Please, please be happy to see me. Sometimes I wonder why my teachers at school seem happier to see me than you do. I need to know you genuinely care about me, not because you HAVE to but because you feel it in your heart.

When I come to church

                 Please don’t assume I am content with myself…would you be surprised to know I’ve contemplated suicide?

     I need you to laugh with me.  School is hard, home is hard, I have struggles I don’t tell anyone.

I want to learn about Jesus but I NEED to see Him in you. I NEED you to SHOW me why this Christian way of living is best.

I don’t understand when you are grouchy and take it out on me. I can stay home for that.

                       I love it when you listen to me and I can tell you are truly listening. I feel accepted and important to you when you are smiling, call me by my name, and hug me!

                                                   I feel secure when you pray with me and the prayer is not generic but specific to the things I have told you. It means a lot when you remember and ask me about the things we have prayed about together.

When “things” happen in my life I want to know I can call you. I need you to cry with me, laugh with me, dream with me, cheer for me, be Jesus in my life.

I am glad you are at church when I get there. I’m glad I can count on you to be there.

Maybe this is what the adult next to you wishes you knew as well.

Acts 2