I Just Feel Like No One Loves Me

It happened around this time many years ago. It was one of those "mom moments" I will never forget.

We have 4 kids and, except for the year my sweet mother-in-law made them costumes to wear to the church party, the kids have suffered as I always greatly lacked in the creative costume department. (And yes, occasionally I still beat myself up for the ways I should have done better)

This particular year all but one child was ready to go to the "Hallelujah Party" (our church equivalent of a fall fest). We piled in the big green van and stopped at a CVS to find a costume. It was October 31st...you can imagine the selection. We grabbed the most appropriate one and climbed back in the van. The child got right to work getting dressed.

And then I heard it.

A rip.

The painful sound of fabric tearing.

What came next was heartbreaking.

My child's small voice from the back of the van, "I just feel like no one loves me."

Epic fail.

I was a terrible birthday party mom. I was severely stunted in the holiday department. I needed assistance with  assisting them in the science fair madness each year...but my love?

I loved my kids with a fierce love. As they have grown into adulthood, my love has grown too. It has gone from fierce to fiercer to fiercerer.

As I have driven all over East Tennessee this week, I have been in awe of God's creative power. The vibrant colors are truly breath taking. As it rains leaves each time the wind blows I am taken back to my own childhood when I would stay outside in God's playground until my mom called me in.

When I was little, I knew there was a God who loved me very much. I'd look at the tall birch trees and the beautiful pines and I saw The Creator. I'd watch the squirrels as they scurried about getting ready for the Minnesota winter that loomed around the corner, and I felt the presence of The One who loved me enough to make the amazing world in which I was growing up.

My child was greatly saddened by circumstances. In my child's young heart and mind disappointment translated into a lack of love because if the love was there, this would not have happened.

I gave my heart to Jesus as a teenager. Through the valleys of growing in my faith, I admit to you I have wondered where God's love for me had gone. There were seasons in life when I had no doubt that He loved me enough to provide a way to have a forever relationship with Him, but  at the same time I wondered where He went when I was hurting.

In the middle of the trials of life, had He gone to sleep? Was He busy taking care of someone else? Did He stop loving me?


My child is not alone in feeling unloved in a moment of despair. Nevertheless, my love for my children is not impacted by how they feel or what they are experiencing at any given moment. 

There were bullies at school.

Sickness came and went.

There were times of discipline.

Friends would betray.

A heart would break.

And my love never wavered.

I have learned that in life:

People I love get sick.

Money gets tight.

Friends betray me.

And, yes, there are times I am disciplined.

God's love never wavers.

Isn't it great to know that God's love doesn't change according to how I feel? 

A favorite passage in Ephesians 3 describes God's love: "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

God's love for you is deep. Today might be a day filled with disappointment or the unknown, but it doesn't change His vast love for you.

Hey, by the way, I am a grandma now and my love is fiercest and fiercerest.